July 22nd, 2011

Today I pulled out more than 6,000 bucks (499,990 yen) in cash to pay the travel agent for my plane ticket. That's definitely the most cash I've had in my hands ever. 58 bills, it was quite a fat stack. And it made me scared biking to school with it. Not that I thought someone would steal it, but what if something happened and it all went flying out over the street? It's weird holding that much money, especially coming from a credit/debit society!

...I kind of wish I'd have gone home for a little bit in between to stare at it and play with it haha There was really no place between the bank and school for me to do that and unfortunately I'll probably never again have cause to hold that much cash in my hands at once.

Especially since I've been watching the wire so much lately, I kind of felt like a drug dealer or like people would think I was doing something illegal lol

On top of this, the woman came straight to me to collect it when I got to work, and she's the woman who always understands me but makes a big deal about being sure (which pisses me off, there is nothing ambiguous about what I say, when other people are around THEY all understand the first time and she still asks me to repeat myself 3-4 times while they stand and blink). And then Batman Dad told me he was going to come check my apartment before I left to make sure I had prepaid garbage stickers on all the furniture. So they let every other ALT slide except for me, and then slap me with all the fees in the end? WTF.

And I'll pay it too, because I'm responsible and if I don't pay it I know my school has screwed us all over in such a way that someone even less responsible for it than I am will end up having to pay it. I also know I've made a lot of money I haven't earned so even if I'm getting royally screwed by this I'm still coming out on top. For example, they're paying for my bus to the airport, even though a friend is driving me, and when I told them that they told me to keep the money. They do stuff like this all the time, giving me things I don't deserve, not giving me things I deserve, all because of the inflexibility of Japanese bureacracy. Silliness.

So anyway, now I'm in a pretty bad mood. Throw this annoying bullshit on top of stress about going to English camp for the next 5 days, and on top of the discomfort of handling so much money for an overpriced ticket?... >:/

July 22nd, 2011 - Part 2

I've said this many times before, but I think it's ridiculous that they call this "summer vacation." The kids still come to school until 1 o'clock every day, but they label the classes as part of "special course week," and suddenly it's summer vacation? These kids are getting screwed.

Anyway, there ARE still some indicators of summer vacation. The daily info white board is up, the teachers are around less, the clothing is more casual...and sensing these little changes makes me nostalgic. I think back to last year, when I'd cross my fingers that they'd let me out early, that no one would show up in my work circle so I'd get some privacy, or that some new project I could help with would crop up. Summer vacation is boring when you're the ALT sitting in the office alone, and yet also kind of fun because there's no expectations and a boatload of time to do personal or creative projects. I like the down time, and also the time to sit and chew the fat with teachers. It would have been even better this year on account of how close we've all become this year compared to last year.

And of course, I also remember the excitement of the summer of 2010 and that makes it even harder. I was just getting rolling in my new job as a leader in the ALT prefectural council. I was looking forward to meeting the new ALTs and to all the potential they bring with them. I was looking forward to my summer of outings. Hob-knobbing. Seeing the people I never get to see...and that won't happen this year. I'm already rejecting facebook invites to the August and September gatherings in Hokkaido and it hurts.

But, yes, I'm going home. I'm starting over and that's pretty exciting too. I'm going back to the people who loved me first - and probably more than my current people do besides.

Still, what I had at this time last year was golden. I remember all the train rides full of anticipation. The quiet reflection on how far I'd come and how I wanted it to last forever. All the close friendships I was making. It was the first time I was really in control of my life AND satisfied.

I will miss this.

But, shit, I'm too young for the regrets and bitter smile memories of an elderly woman. I will give myself a few weeks to feel this way after I've gone home, and then I expect to get back to that place. I did it once, against all odds, you bet your ass I can do it again.

I'm pretty sure, anyway.