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Mar. 24th, 2011
March 24th, 2011 - Part 2
Mar. 24th, 2011 10:37 amToday was the End-of-the-Year Ceremony and Farewell Ceremony at school. After a shitton of cleaning, of course. I probably could've blown them off and nobody would have noticed, but I have so little involvement at this school that I felt like it was the right thing to do to insert myself into the mix.
Which brings me to another important point, I always feel like I need a personal invitation to everything. I've since learned that I'm not going to get it, so I either need to do what I want and man up to the consequences (or lack thereof) or just bust in. Either way, I don't think anyone else has any strong feelings on the subject. This is something I'll have to tell my successor about.
Anyway, I went to the ceremonies though honestly I missed all but the last 30 seconds of the End-of-the-Year Ceremony (it's a short one, haha, like 5 minutes). Recent graduates of the school aren't allowed at the End-of-the-Year Ceremony, but a lot of them show up for the Farewell, considering they have favorite teachers who are leaving the school. The ceremonies are otherwise seamless, so it pretty much just turns into a shuffle of plastic indoor slippers while the current students wait patiently and the principal talks. I got to thinking about it, everyone is so super polite and careful not to make any noise. It takes them 3 minutes to close the door because they're moving it so slowly so as not to make any noise - and yet these damn slippers. SLOUGH SLOUGH SLOUGH you can't hear anything over plastic shuffling on hardwood. It could easily be remedied by, I dunno, actually picking up one's feet!...which leads me to believe that must just be viewed as an inevitable noise, or they'd be doing it along with the more ridiculous courtesies they jump through hoops to complete.
I was also shocked to see a large group of recent graduates show up to cheer on Sketchy-sensei in his goodbyes. He's retiring or transferring or something, though I could never make out enough of what he's saying in either language to glean exactly which. He's such an awkward and strange man, but somehow that's endeared him to the students because one boy screamed out to him after his speech and when the teachers were exiting they actually picked him up and tossed him in the air. Very Japanese in its absurdity and very un-Japanese in its boldness at the same time lol Just goes to show how popularity is more of a game than a system that follows from logic.
It was funny sitting in the gym looking at the very Japanese clock and the very Japanese stage with its Japanese calligraphy posters, surrounded by Japanese folks in suits. I listened to the speeches and remembered how little of the content I'd understood last year. I thought about exactly how far removed I was from all of this in My Old Life only two years ago. Who in the U.S. even knows such ceremonies exist? Last year I barely even understood the teacher transfer culture during the week it happened.
It's really odd to sit there thinking about the world I used to know and how all of this was completely absent from my world view. There were preconceptions that helped me picture parts of it, but also things I never could have imagined. Even after the first time around, there were still so many subtle points I didn't grasp.
However, strangest part about sitting at big, representative events like school ceremonies is that these were the only things I could really imagine before I'd arrived. It's eerily exciting to be able to pinpoint the moments when you are living the embodiment of what you thought it would be like. This moment - this represents everything I wanted. I am living a daydream from two years ago. This is where I wanted to be so badly when I was sitting in my office in the dorms. This is what I filled out page after page of applications for. This is what I crossed my fingers for.
I didn't really know what to expect then, but I imagined it looking something like this - me standing against a wall in a high school gymnasium wearing a suit, feeling emotions about the people, and thinking ordinary thoughts about the rest of my week. Maybe in my preconceptions I thought things might be a little different regarding my relationships with the other teachers and with the students, but in general I have fully adjusted and it is My Life and I am One of Them. This is what I wanted so badly, and now I have it. In fact, I had it before I even really realized I had it.
No, not only do I have it - I have completed it. I've done and become everything I had set out to do and be in Japan.
...Huh. How about that? I've only really just acknowledged this now. It seems I am out of Japan-specific goals. And there seemed to be so many before, too many to count. Yet I never even considered that I would fail, and I haven't failed.
Mostly it feels amazing and satisfying, though in a very subdued kind of way. Now suddenly I find myself considering what "accomplishment" really means. It seems to me that accomplishment is that brief moment of closure and satisfaction between what you've done and what you're going to do. Though in typical Steph fashion, I'm going to start again before I've finished, because I'm a baller like that.
...Just a few more universities left to research. I'm ready. Four months.
Which brings me to another important point, I always feel like I need a personal invitation to everything. I've since learned that I'm not going to get it, so I either need to do what I want and man up to the consequences (or lack thereof) or just bust in. Either way, I don't think anyone else has any strong feelings on the subject. This is something I'll have to tell my successor about.
Anyway, I went to the ceremonies though honestly I missed all but the last 30 seconds of the End-of-the-Year Ceremony (it's a short one, haha, like 5 minutes). Recent graduates of the school aren't allowed at the End-of-the-Year Ceremony, but a lot of them show up for the Farewell, considering they have favorite teachers who are leaving the school. The ceremonies are otherwise seamless, so it pretty much just turns into a shuffle of plastic indoor slippers while the current students wait patiently and the principal talks. I got to thinking about it, everyone is so super polite and careful not to make any noise. It takes them 3 minutes to close the door because they're moving it so slowly so as not to make any noise - and yet these damn slippers. SLOUGH SLOUGH SLOUGH you can't hear anything over plastic shuffling on hardwood. It could easily be remedied by, I dunno, actually picking up one's feet!...which leads me to believe that must just be viewed as an inevitable noise, or they'd be doing it along with the more ridiculous courtesies they jump through hoops to complete.
I was also shocked to see a large group of recent graduates show up to cheer on Sketchy-sensei in his goodbyes. He's retiring or transferring or something, though I could never make out enough of what he's saying in either language to glean exactly which. He's such an awkward and strange man, but somehow that's endeared him to the students because one boy screamed out to him after his speech and when the teachers were exiting they actually picked him up and tossed him in the air. Very Japanese in its absurdity and very un-Japanese in its boldness at the same time lol Just goes to show how popularity is more of a game than a system that follows from logic.
It was funny sitting in the gym looking at the very Japanese clock and the very Japanese stage with its Japanese calligraphy posters, surrounded by Japanese folks in suits. I listened to the speeches and remembered how little of the content I'd understood last year. I thought about exactly how far removed I was from all of this in My Old Life only two years ago. Who in the U.S. even knows such ceremonies exist? Last year I barely even understood the teacher transfer culture during the week it happened.
It's really odd to sit there thinking about the world I used to know and how all of this was completely absent from my world view. There were preconceptions that helped me picture parts of it, but also things I never could have imagined. Even after the first time around, there were still so many subtle points I didn't grasp.
However, strangest part about sitting at big, representative events like school ceremonies is that these were the only things I could really imagine before I'd arrived. It's eerily exciting to be able to pinpoint the moments when you are living the embodiment of what you thought it would be like. This moment - this represents everything I wanted. I am living a daydream from two years ago. This is where I wanted to be so badly when I was sitting in my office in the dorms. This is what I filled out page after page of applications for. This is what I crossed my fingers for.
I didn't really know what to expect then, but I imagined it looking something like this - me standing against a wall in a high school gymnasium wearing a suit, feeling emotions about the people, and thinking ordinary thoughts about the rest of my week. Maybe in my preconceptions I thought things might be a little different regarding my relationships with the other teachers and with the students, but in general I have fully adjusted and it is My Life and I am One of Them. This is what I wanted so badly, and now I have it. In fact, I had it before I even really realized I had it.
No, not only do I have it - I have completed it. I've done and become everything I had set out to do and be in Japan.
...Huh. How about that? I've only really just acknowledged this now. It seems I am out of Japan-specific goals. And there seemed to be so many before, too many to count. Yet I never even considered that I would fail, and I haven't failed.
Mostly it feels amazing and satisfying, though in a very subdued kind of way. Now suddenly I find myself considering what "accomplishment" really means. It seems to me that accomplishment is that brief moment of closure and satisfaction between what you've done and what you're going to do. Though in typical Steph fashion, I'm going to start again before I've finished, because I'm a baller like that.
...Just a few more universities left to research. I'm ready. Four months.