July 31st, 2011 - Part 2
Jul. 31st, 2011 09:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thewalkNo more responsibilities other than yosakoi. Most of the goodbyes have been said.
Seeing all those heads in the crowd at my goodbye speech, I could feel it was important. This was me leaving.
I was super nervous speaking Japanese in front of the students for the first time. I was so nervous that when it was over, I accidentally left my certificate on the stage lol but it went well and it was a really cathartic moment for me, having come full circle to another speech.
This is it. This is what makes life important.
Still, the bigness of it all it so clear that it makes me wonder whether I squandered the last two years. Maybe I should've spent even more time making life important, living in the moment, and absorbing things for what they really were. Even if I did live it up right, it's always easy to take things for granted. Instead of just experiencing life, did I LIVE enough?
On the other hand, I also wonder about whether it's healthy to live with so much adventure and stress. It's exhausting, saying goodbye so soon after you've said hello. As soon as you've finally figured something out, you're turning to something else. I sometimes loathed the situation I was in and I often lamented it - the last two years weren't easy. Still, I never actually go so far as to regret it. If nothing else, such a difficult life of moving from here to there stands to remind you how lucky you are. It keeps you treating each moment like it's golden.
I will soon be just a memory to most of these people, but I've done well, judging by the people who teared up when they said goodbye to me (and when I teared up in return) and the people who (in spite of their Japaneseness) were able to say really heartfelt things to me. I've had many good friends. All the people wanting my time has stressed me out but...well...it shows I've done well here and that I've been fortunate, too.
But you know, for all the sadness and unknown and worry and stress in wrapping up this life, it's pretty damn awesome that I'll get to see my family in less time than it takes to mail a letter from here.
Seeing all those heads in the crowd at my goodbye speech, I could feel it was important. This was me leaving.
I was super nervous speaking Japanese in front of the students for the first time. I was so nervous that when it was over, I accidentally left my certificate on the stage lol but it went well and it was a really cathartic moment for me, having come full circle to another speech.
This is it. This is what makes life important.
Still, the bigness of it all it so clear that it makes me wonder whether I squandered the last two years. Maybe I should've spent even more time making life important, living in the moment, and absorbing things for what they really were. Even if I did live it up right, it's always easy to take things for granted. Instead of just experiencing life, did I LIVE enough?
On the other hand, I also wonder about whether it's healthy to live with so much adventure and stress. It's exhausting, saying goodbye so soon after you've said hello. As soon as you've finally figured something out, you're turning to something else. I sometimes loathed the situation I was in and I often lamented it - the last two years weren't easy. Still, I never actually go so far as to regret it. If nothing else, such a difficult life of moving from here to there stands to remind you how lucky you are. It keeps you treating each moment like it's golden.
I will soon be just a memory to most of these people, but I've done well, judging by the people who teared up when they said goodbye to me (and when I teared up in return) and the people who (in spite of their Japaneseness) were able to say really heartfelt things to me. I've had many good friends. All the people wanting my time has stressed me out but...well...it shows I've done well here and that I've been fortunate, too.
But you know, for all the sadness and unknown and worry and stress in wrapping up this life, it's pretty damn awesome that I'll get to see my family in less time than it takes to mail a letter from here.
