There are all sorts of cultural differences I can accept. There are also a lot I can tolerate. My motto has so far pretty much been, "different doesn't mean better or worse."
There is one exception that pisses me off every time, however, and unfortunately there's very little I feel I can do about it. I'm talking about the use of the word "gay." Sure, Japan doesn't have the long-standing tradition of hate and hostility that the U.S. does, but it also doesn't have the movement toward legitimacy either. Like a bunch of high school boys in the early 2000s, the greater society in Japan tends to drop "gay" like it's some sort of joke.
Maybe it could be worse, it's not often used as, "You're so gay, you're a complete moron and I hate you." It's usually used like, "HAHA look at my gay hand gestsures, aren't they funny??" or "The "g" in his name stands for "gay!" followed by, "He's right, I'm so gay! Can I sit on your boyfriend's lap?" It's a big old joke. If you ask me, that does enough damage in that it completely dehumanizes a person and takes all legitimacy out of his or her identity.
The other day I was at dinner with a bunch of 20-somethings when they started joking about gayness and everyone laughed riotously when the guy accused of being gay began acting in stereotypically (and offensive) "gay ways." I seethed, knowing there was very little I could do about it. It's hard enough to express such difficult ideas in Japanese, let alone when saving face is so important and correcting someone's behavior is such a game of being discreet. Furthermore, in the U.S. even if someone is homophobic they'll disagree with you but get why you're angry. Here, though, there's not even an inkling of a societally-sanctioned idea that it might not be okay to make fun of gay people. I could talk until I'm blue in the face, but almost nobody talks about these issues (or even the legitimacy of homosexual relationships). They wouldn't even understand why I'm calling them out or why I might take issue with their behavior, let alone understand why such language is harmful to begin with.
There are so many things I believe cultures should be given the benefit of the doubt on, but this is NOT one of them. No amount of cultural forgiveness can make me okay with it. It's interesting to see how Japan developed to be this way, but it doesn't even begin to excuse it. Japan needs to catch up.
So what am I doing about it? Like I said, I don't have the language skills and without some back up of good rhetoric from me or a little guilty conscience from them, there's just no way I can scold anyone. I do, however, show that I'm okay with homosexuality and I don't think it's funny. I sit with a straight face when someone cracks a gay joke. I don't blink when someone says something homosexually indicative, whether it's intentional or a mistake. I also write inclusive lessons where I try to eliminate as many heteronormative implications as possible. I give female students the option to talk about boyfriends AND girlfriends and male students the option to talk about girlfriends AND boyfriends, and I put both sexes on ideal date worksheets. Furthermore, when a student "screws up" and accidentally asks if I have a girlfriend - the whole class busts out laughing like it would be such an impossibly ridiculous thought - but I don't laugh, and I just say, "Some girls have girlfriends, but no, I don't have a girlfriend OR a boyfriend."
I'm not sure anybody notices, but it's all I can think to do.
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