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January 28th, 2011
Jan. 28th, 2011 08:40 amHow long does it take to use up lip balm? I'm on a mission to use up all the best consumable gifts I've received before I leave. I can't justify bringing home toiletries and frivolous things when I do move home. I've been hitting this year old Burt's Bees almost hourly since winter began, and I still hardly see a dent in it. Better hurry, I have a whole other tube of balm after this. Fortunately, I'm making much better progress with the hand lotion and soaps, however haha
I keep having dreams where I'm missing out on something, and they almost all exclusively take place at home. Multiple times a week I have dreams where I have to go back to one of the schools of my youth. Usually I've missed all the assignments, have no idea what's going on, and can't remember why this is the case. Then a few nights ago I dreamt that I talked my entire extended family into going to the tattoo parlor with me. I was finally getting the chance to get my tattoo! As it turned out, the entire family decided to each get some kind of piercing or tattoo as well (my mom got a cartilage piercing and my dad got a belly button ring, whut? lol) It was kind of like a pampered chef party where you go for the company and end up buying a spatula or something random just because you're there. Anyway, it was a good dream over all because I was riding high and happy for most of it...but then I realized that, even though I'd worked so hard to get everyone there, I'd forgotten to finish my own tattoo design! I ended up not able to get a body mod even though I was the one who wanted it most.
When I'm not having these dreams, I'm dreaming that either 1) I'm still in Japan but was supposed to be at home for Christmas days ago and because of the oversight it's impossible to go home now, or 2) that I've come home on a whim but can only stay for a day or two, not having realized that this trip would cancel out a legitimate 3 week trip home I'd planned for later. No matter the theme, it always comes down to me having no idea what's going on when it's happening.
The redeeming grace is that I'm having these dreams so often that I'm actually starting to just go with the fugue and not worry about it mid-dream. I'm so used to the discomfort that I'm learning to tolerate it. Yikes.
You wouldn't believe it, but these days I'm less worried about my preparedness than ever, so even if I'm the one making the mistakes in these dreams, I still don't feel like they're my fault. At least there's not that stress - those kinds of self-blame and failure dreams once ruled my sleep but I'm glad to say they've moved on. I also don't feel particularly uninformed or lost in life in general, as it would seem these kinds of dreams would also suggest. I suspect the real reason I'm having them is because I'm dissastisfied and want to be a part of something and I have no control over changing things for 6 months. (Not for lack of trying, mind you, it's just not effective no matter what I do). I think I'm just feeling a little too alone and since home is pretty much the only thing on my mind these days that's why they always take place there instead of in Japan.
I don't worry about being completely lost when I get home either, nor do I worry about struggling to adjust. I think the reason I always dream that I'm clueless is because, once the distance of Japan is removed from the equation in my dream, my mind is looking for a substitute in the home scenario that causes as much damage as the distance does.
I keep having dreams where I'm missing out on something, and they almost all exclusively take place at home. Multiple times a week I have dreams where I have to go back to one of the schools of my youth. Usually I've missed all the assignments, have no idea what's going on, and can't remember why this is the case. Then a few nights ago I dreamt that I talked my entire extended family into going to the tattoo parlor with me. I was finally getting the chance to get my tattoo! As it turned out, the entire family decided to each get some kind of piercing or tattoo as well (my mom got a cartilage piercing and my dad got a belly button ring, whut? lol) It was kind of like a pampered chef party where you go for the company and end up buying a spatula or something random just because you're there. Anyway, it was a good dream over all because I was riding high and happy for most of it...but then I realized that, even though I'd worked so hard to get everyone there, I'd forgotten to finish my own tattoo design! I ended up not able to get a body mod even though I was the one who wanted it most.
When I'm not having these dreams, I'm dreaming that either 1) I'm still in Japan but was supposed to be at home for Christmas days ago and because of the oversight it's impossible to go home now, or 2) that I've come home on a whim but can only stay for a day or two, not having realized that this trip would cancel out a legitimate 3 week trip home I'd planned for later. No matter the theme, it always comes down to me having no idea what's going on when it's happening.
The redeeming grace is that I'm having these dreams so often that I'm actually starting to just go with the fugue and not worry about it mid-dream. I'm so used to the discomfort that I'm learning to tolerate it. Yikes.
You wouldn't believe it, but these days I'm less worried about my preparedness than ever, so even if I'm the one making the mistakes in these dreams, I still don't feel like they're my fault. At least there's not that stress - those kinds of self-blame and failure dreams once ruled my sleep but I'm glad to say they've moved on. I also don't feel particularly uninformed or lost in life in general, as it would seem these kinds of dreams would also suggest. I suspect the real reason I'm having them is because I'm dissastisfied and want to be a part of something and I have no control over changing things for 6 months. (Not for lack of trying, mind you, it's just not effective no matter what I do). I think I'm just feeling a little too alone and since home is pretty much the only thing on my mind these days that's why they always take place there instead of in Japan.
I don't worry about being completely lost when I get home either, nor do I worry about struggling to adjust. I think the reason I always dream that I'm clueless is because, once the distance of Japan is removed from the equation in my dream, my mind is looking for a substitute in the home scenario that causes as much damage as the distance does.
